Philippians 2: 14 “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.”
Well I am at it again. Over the last few months I haven’t written anything because I haven’t had the time to sit, observe, listen to the voice of God, and write, but this morning that all changes. I cannot help but write this, like most of what I write this will not be popular, but thankfully because of Jesus Christ, I have no care for popularity. Now ladies, please recognize that this post will be a little scolding for the female population, it is something I have observed over the past few months that desperately needs to be addressed. Gentlemen, don’t worry, I’ll make sure to include some practical tips when it comes to women for you too.
I am by no means an expert when it comes to relationships, I fail in mine everyday, but I am an expert at being a strong-willed woman. Because I am so strong-willed, it would be assumed that Miley Cyrus’ song “Can’t be Tamed” would be my life’s theme song; however almost ten months ago I said vows and willingly put myself under the leadership of a wonderful man. The idea of submission scared me before I was married. Why would I, a strong-willed woman, let someone else lead me? I wanted to lead myself. That is when God reminded me that I have already submitted before in my life by surrendering my life to Him. The total being of my life is to serve Jesus Christ, make His name great, and share His love with everyone I know. The beauty of this submission is that I have complete freedom in Jesus Christ. Being a follower of Jesus Christ has not clipped my wings, it hasn’t put me in bondage to a tyrant, and it has never crushed my spirit. Instead, submission to Christ has allowed me to step out in boldness, it has made me a warrior for the things of God, and it has challenged me to begin each day ready to pierce through the darkness and lies that are prevalent in this world.
The same thing has happened in my marriage. My submission to my husband has brought out a confidence in me that I never knew before and it has challenged me to seek the things of the Lord in order that I might be the best wife I can be. I absolutely love knowing that my husband leads with my best interest in mind. He is never condesending, but rather, he is fully supportive of every part of me, including my stubborn, strong-will. There have been times he has had to use his call as the spiritual leader of our home to put me in my place, but he has never abused that position. We are a team, he is the capitan of our team, but this team must work together in order to insure survival in the tournament called marriage. Far too many marriages have failed beacuse people do not understand the importance of being a team. I refuse to be a statisic of failed marriages, and I refuse to remain quiet about things I see that lead to the sad statisics about marriage.
Like I have said many times, I am by no means perfect. I do not have this whole marriage thing down by any stretch of the imagination, and there are most definitely things I must work on everyday. I conisistently must keep my will in check with the leadership of God and my husband, if I am out of bounds, I must humbly accept their accountability and seek to change. However, beyond all of that, I am an observer of people, media, and social trends. One such trend that has been a burden on my heart is the “make me a sandwich” trend. I realize this phrase seems trivial to write so much about, but this phrase and this trend hold a lot of weight. Men use this phrase to demean women, and women combat this phrase with over zealous feminism. This is why is must be talked about, men who treat woman as their slaves are living in sin, and on that same token women who react out of extreme feminism are living in sin as well. I realize some people are single and have called to be single, in this instance I am specifically talking about married couples and those who seek to be married.
Gentleman, I will start with you first. First, using this joke in an effort to be sexist is never acceptable. Women were created specifically to be a helper for a man (Gen. 2:18). In a sense, Eve was a gift from God to Adam so he would not be alone. A woman is to help a man, not be a slave to man’s every whim. I will never discredit a man’s responsibility to provide, protect, and lead the home. Those aspects of being a husband are vital to the strength of a family unit. However, before you choose to treat a woman with disrespect, please remember that not only is she a gift, but she is also in charge of bringing the next generation into this world. She nurtures, teaches, challenges, and raises the future leaders of this world. Her job is no small task. She is responsible for the organization of the home, and it is her duty to make sure everything runs smoothly. She is to spend her days preparing the home for you when you come home, and she does all of this in service and appreciation to you. This is why you must treat her with respect as defined in 1 Peter 3:7. Even if you are not married this truth applies, because as we all have been told “practice makes perfect”. Get into the practice of treating all women with respect, and when it comes time to say “I do” you will have a better understanding respect towards you wife. Along with respect, make time for romance. Dates and gifts do not have to be elaborate and fancy, a little goes a long way. Show you appreciate her through sweet texts, flowers, and small acts of service. For example, my sweet husband knows my feet hurt daily, as a romantic gesture and act of service he takes the time to rub my feet while we watch the news. This act of service is not elaborate and fancy, but it is selfless and kind. His small act of kindness not only helps relieve pain, but it shows that he cares for me and wants to romance me even in the small ways. When you seek to love, respect, and serve without selfish gain, I guarantee you, you will not have to ask for a sandwich.
Now ladies, I am just going to be blunt for a moment: Make the dang sandwich without complaint! This by no means is to say that you take disrespect and excuse it, if a man does not treat you with honor and respect you have every right to stand up for yourself. But when it comes to serving your husband (or future husband) take Philippians 2:14 to heart. Rather than fighting for equality, seek to serve and earn respect through love. Hopefully whoever you choose to spend your life with will love and respect you from the beginning, but if you do not have such a man, seek to lead him to his proper role through example. Like I previously said, marriage is a team, and sometimes you must be the capitan of the team in order for victory. However, when a man is seeking with all his heart to approach his relationship with you in the way God’s Word says, take the time to love and serve on him as well. The Proverbs 31 woman had a busy life, her time was spent on her family and on her husband. She served willingly and faithfully, and her husband praised her. We, as women, have no excuse to not be just like her. In the book, The Excellent Wife, Martha Pearce says: “Because God has so richly provided for a Christian wife in her battle against sin, she is without excuse. Her loving, merciful, and holy God has truly provided everything she needs to become a godly wife- to become the excellent wife that God wants her to be.” God has given us all the tools we need to be a wife as defined in His Word, but it takes our willingness to be that wife. We must humbly lay down our own desires and serve in kindness and selflessness. We must encourage our husband in his duties and hold him accountable to the things of God. Feminism has taught us we do not need men and has taught us to have a distaste for men. This has done nothing but detract from the family unit. Wives need their husbands, husbands need their wives, and above all of that children need the influence of both parents (some exceptions apply). With that said, do not react to statements such as “make me a sandwich” with feministic leanings and do not be discouraged by men who say it to you. You are a treasure, your job in the family unit is much more important than making food, and as long as you fulfill your duties out of love and selflessness, you too will be “praised at the city gate.”
All in all, I realize this blog may offend some people, please know that is not my desire, I do not seek to cause controversy. However, I do seek to speak truth on issues, whether big or small, that go against the Word of God. The institution of marriage is under constant attack, from homosexuality, to living together before marriage, and to not understanding the roles of the wives and husbands. Marriage, when done the way God says, is a beautiful, freeing institution. Small acts of kindness make all the difference in a marriage. If it means serving your husband out of love, ladies, go ahead and make the sandwich, and gentlemen, love your woman and make sure she knows you appreciate her.