23 and Married- A Christian’s Response

Lately I have seen quite a few ladies share a post on my Facebook feed titled “23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23”, and I must admit the article offended me quite a bit, as well as made me shake my head towards the stupidity of the suggestions. What bothered me most was the fact the ladies who claim to follow Christ were posting it with words plastered above it such as, “truth”, “a must read”, “every single lady must read this!” As I dove into the article I noticed that her entire premise was off base. Yes, the divorce rate among those who marry young is pathetic. Yes, divorce has become a mere “hit it and quit it” excuse for a big day all about the bride. What she fails to understand is that for those of us who have gotten married young (21 for me!), and who claim to follow Christ, divorce has never been apart of our vocabulary. Divorce simply has never been an option, nor will it ever be, and this should be the mentality of ALL believers.

The writer goes on to say that we are not our parents generation nor our grandparents for that matter. But I must ask, they all got married young, pursued careers, defied societal expectations, valued family, and maintained a sense of morality in American culture. Of those things just mentioned, what is so bad? Perhaps if we sought to be more like them our world would be a much better place. I, for one, love the idea of being a young mom, I love the idea of experiencing as much of life as possible with the love of my life, and I love everything about being married. I am not confined to this picket fence, settled down lifestyle; instead I have the freedom to grow alongside the one I love, to build a legacy with him, and see the world through a lovers eyes. What a blessing it is to be married! It is not a ball and chain, and it’s not the imprisonment of everything I ever hoped to be! Sure we don’t have the money to fly all over the world because we own a home, maintain a steady job, and all those other things, but it has by no means kept us from experiencing the best parts of life.

As I read through her list I realized that her suggestions were merely the ramblings of an 18 year old stuck in a 23 year olds body. In essence she wants nothing to do with responsibility. She wants to travel, explore new religions, make out with random people, and focus merely on herself. As a Christian, life can never be so selfish. As a woman after God’s own heart, we are to have a passion for Him and for his people. We are called to serve strangers, not make out with them. We are called to go in order to proclaim Christ’s name, not for our own selfish gain. We are called to view our bodies as a temple, not to fill it with junk and pose naked for the world to see. We are called to honor our parents, not to disappoint them. We are called to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, not to fill our minds with false teaching. We are called to be different, not trendy, hipster, prepster or anything -ster. If more Christians chose to be different from the rest of the world, perhaps the divorce rates would be different. Perhaps, we, as believers, would be taken more seriously.

Ladies who call yourselves Christians, do not be fooled by the ramblings of a non-believer. Ultimately, she is lonely and tired of being single as well. If she weren’t she wouldn’t have written such condescending words towards those who are married so young. Sure, in a few years I hope to have a family. I won’t be as thin as I used to be, and I hope to be pregnant. But I will be living in accordance with God’s will for my life. I will have a husband that is only devoted to me, and children whom I will be blessed to nurture and teach. As she states in her article, you are responsible for your own happiness, but what she fails to state is that, as a believer, you are also responsible for following God’s Word and allowing Him to direct your life, not the whims of the world.

All in all, BE DIFFERENT! Go and do what God has called you to do with wild abandonment. Place your trust in HIS plan for your life. Let Him bring that amazing man into your life and show you all He has for you. If He doesn’t have Mr. Right come your way anytime soon, then just pursue intimacy with your Savior, that’s all he wants. As someone who did get married at 21, take it from me, you will never miss out on the beauty of life. Only the best lies ahead!

Changing My Perspective Part II

It has been an icy weekend here in Burleson! We have had three days of nothing, and it has been wonderful! God knows just how caught up we get with everything else, and this weekend, I think He gave us some rest. He has allowed for us to recharge and greet the rest of this beautiful season with full hearts. Today Jordan and I are working on our little projects. He is busy finishing the tile in our kitchen, while I am working on homework/ blog posts. Due to a week-long trip to New York, the craziness of a new job, and the ever-so-consistent school work, I have not had a chance to follow-up with my last post. However, that doesn’t mean I have not taken action.

The day after I posted my last blog, I brought ALL of my clothes into our living room, set up our full length mirror, and began trying on every piece of clothing I had. And you know what I found? I didn’t need over half of what I had. I’d try on pieces I had kept for years and quickly realized why I don’t wear them regularly anymore. I tried on pants that were too small, shirts with snags, dresses that should have been left in High School, and shoes with many stories to tell! With each piece that did not work, I felt relief, not sadness. I was not upset that I don’t fit into my high school jeans anymore, because it means that I have grown up. It means that with the widening of my hips, I have also had a growth in wisdom, maturity, and in my relationship with the Lord. With each dress that was too short, I realized that I had grown from a desire to be noticed for my appearance, to a desire to be respected and loved for my heart. I realized that my confidence was no longer found in just how beautiful I could appear to the rest of the world, but in how my mind and my heart shared the beauty of God’s love! With each shoe that I gave away, I thanked God for the many steps that had been taken, and for allowing me to continue in my walk with Him. Every time I threw another piece of clothing into that unwanted pile, I also felt joy in knowing that my gently used clothing could make another girl feel beautiful. My unwanted and unnecessary clothing could be what keeps a girl warm at night, or what gives her the confidence to walk into school with a pretty outfit. As I reminded myself of what my old clothing could be used for, the more I was encouraged to give away.

When I started going through my clothes, I had 2 closets worth of stuff that filled an entire living room floor. By the end of the day, the clothing I kept was laid out on the couch and fit in the closet Jordan and I share. Six baskets of shoes were dwindled down to just a few, and for the first time every t-shirt I own can fit nicely into our dresser. When it came time to pack for our trip to New York, the process wasn’t stressful because I already knew everything I had! Each day I wake up it takes less time to get ready because I am not trying to find what fits or looks the best, everything just works. What a stress reliever it has been!

I don’t know if I will ever be perfect at this whole organization thing, but I am determined with live without clutter. I am determined to be grateful for what I have, and to only spend my time and money on things that truly matter to me. Does this mean I won’t enjoy a little shopping with my mom and sister? No, it just means that I will buy quality, not quantity. Does this mean that Jordan and I won’t enjoy splurging here and there on household items, projects, or vacations? No! We will still enjoy certain things in life, but we will not buy in order to just have more. In my next post I will share how my perspective in regards to our home has changed, and I will even share how I have dealt with the accumulation of stuff in regards to all things Christmas. I hope and pray that my life will never be defined by my accumulation of things or by the fulfillment of every desire (good or bad) that I ever had. I pray my life with be defined as one who loved Jesus with her whole heart, walked in humility, and encouraged others in their walk. I realize going through clothing may seem a bit trivial to some, but as I found with my closet, God uses even the small things to teach huge life lessons.

 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”

Matthew 6:19-20

All it took was 5 minutes

On Sunday night, it only took a mere 5 minutes for the nation and the world to see an aspect of America many do not want to talk about… or stand up against. First off, let me say that I too was disgusted with what took place on Sunday night. I truly believe that Miley was used to get the nation talking. Everyone has seen her push the limitations more and more, so of course it would make sense for a network, such as MTV, to push Miley off the edge. However, I think that even beyond Miley and MTV, there are a lot of other responsible parties in that matter. I believe these responsible parties point towards some serious flaws in our society, and therefore need to be talked about.

1. It would make sense to label Miley as the first to blame because she is in charge of her actions. She has been the one to seek to push so far away from her Hannah Montana life to where she is barely recognizable. Ultimately, all of her stunts have shown one common theme: she will do anything and all it takes to receive validation from others. She wants to be the topic of conversation. Through all of her antics, I believe we see one of the purest forms of true self-esteem issues. Therefore, it is important for her stunt to be talked about to girls struggling with identity issues.

At some point in every girl’s life there comes a time in which a girl begins to doubt herself. She sees the “prettier girls” getting attention, and therefore seeks to find ways for herself to attain such attention. Often times this attention comes from improving one’s sex appeal. It has become the norm in America to pursue attention through exploiting one’s assets, and yet women all across the country are enraged at such exploitation. Where is the consistency? Why must Hollywood determine what a woman is worth? Why must intelligence and poise be replaced by fake boobs and makeup? And why, as a country, are we obsessed with women like Miley, Kim, and Lindsay, instead of seeking to emulate Princess Kate? It is imperative for young ladies to understand, that no amount of attention, makeup, or clothing can define a woman’s worth. It is imperative for young men to understand that the girls they see as objects typically only see the boys as objects as well. Instead of praising a woman’s sex appeal, we need to raise up a generation that praises a woman for her humble elegance. We need more women who can talk about real issues instead of living in a fantasy “real housewife world”. We need more women who are willing to stand up for injustices before they seek to be another pretty face. Most of all, we need more women who will stop at nothing to bring change, in order that God may receive the glory.

2. The second responsible party is Robin Thicke and his wife. If marriage were a true sacred covenant to these people, perhaps Sunday night (or the outrageous music video) would not occur. It has been reported that Robin Thicke’s wife had no issue with what happened Sunday. She has seen it enough times for it not to bother her. I can undoubtedly tell you that if I saw another woman all over my husband in such a manner, that out of my commitment to our marriage and the covenant I made with the Lord, I would NEVER have excused such behavior! However, the Thicke’s are like many American couples, their own desires mean more to them individually than their marriage. Such is the case with many others. Whether it be someone else at the office, different dreams, the desire for more money, divorce is an everyday occurrence in our culture. Society does not place value on the vows that were spoken. Society places value on the individual and their dreams. Marriage is not about making each other happy all the time, it isn’t about fulfilling each other’s sexual needs, and it even has nothing to do with the American Dream. All of those aspects are by-products of a marriage that is a sacred union under the lordship of Jesus Christ. Marriage is a holy and sacred union that is to be protected. Had Robin Thicke truly loved and respected his wife, Miley would not have been able to come within five feet of him.

3. The third responsible party is Miley’s parents. Instead of admonishing their daughter, the Cyrus’ excused her actions. Instead of making her face the consequences of her actions, they have sought to be her support and her friend. I have seen this on a small-scale within my own community time and time again, and I will say the firmly: Parents, it is NOT your job to be your child’s best friend and biggest support group! It is your job to raise your child with standards, to reprimand them when they do wrong, and praise them for their right choices. It is your job to provide a shelter in which their minds are able to absorb the things that matter, rather than absorb the lies of this world. It is your job to encourage them to make their dreams come true, not to push them into the spotlight for your own gain. It is your job to be the person they desire to be. If you are their friend, how can you be their role model? How can you instill discipline when all you are to them is the “cool parent that buys them stuff’? Trust me, as a strong-willed child myself, there have been many a day when I hated the discipline in which I was raised. I fought against expectations of my parents for many years, only to come back and seek to be just like my mom. It is my parents’ influence in my life that has pushed me to value the morals that were instilled in me, to fight for a holy union with my husband, and to stand up for the Lord and His Word. It was my parents who created such an environment for me, not my friends.

4. The next responsible party is Hollywood and the media. Just as I mentioned above, the goal of this stunt was to get the nation talking. It was become a cover story for news outlets and just another aspect of Hollywood. The more it is talked about on the national level, the more clips that are shown, the more attention the stunt gets. Eventually the media will continue to cover the story to the point where no one cares anymore… This stunt will too become a distant memory, just like the lip-lock that occurred between Madonna, Britney, and Christina a few years ago. It is likely the VMAs will have better ratings next year, because everyone will want to see what crazy stunt will be pulled again. Next year, some other artist will be used as a tool to get the nation talking once again. People that are seeking fame and fortune are a dime a dozen, so eventually someone will step up to the plate and deliver another shocking performance. The quality of the actors or music in Hollywood essentially means nothing when the stories of celebrities cause more of a buzz than their “talent”.

5. The last responsible party is us. We are the ones who encourage for such things to occur on TV. We support the shows that directly contradict God’s Word, all because they are dramatic or funny. We are the ones who buy the song because it’s catchy, without any concern for the words. We are the ones who use our influence of money to push Hollywood to continue to produce such trash. We have in essence laid down the foundation for such things to happen because we have chosen to be silent out of fear, instead of courageous against all odds. I pray that instead of casting this issue off to the wayside in a few weeks, that we will take the time to evaluate it and seek change. I earnestly pray for the salvation of all those involved in this issue. I pray that people will see the errors of their ways and come to Jesus. Most of all, I pray that I will shield my home from the things of this world, that I will grow in my knowledge of my Savior over the headlines, and that I will be used to bring honor and glory to the Lord above all else.

I’m Feeling 22…Life in Transition

The popular Taylor Swift song glorifies being twenty-two. It’s catchy, popular, and just so happens to be the opposite of how I have felt about being twenty-two. Granted I am unlike many twenty-two year olds in that I am married, own a home in the suburbs, and have an intense bout of baby fever. But along with all that grown up talk, I have yet to finish my degree (August 2014 better hurry up y’all!), I am struggling to get a photography business consistently growing, I am the ONLY one of my closest friends who is married, and out of the close friends I have around me now I am the only one without kids or some on the way. I am literally in a twenty-two year olds no man’s land. One minute I am worrying about finances and trying to sneak through the baby section at Target, the next I’m at a Justin Bieber concert (which was awesome by the way, don’t hate!). Life is at just an awkward transition. I’m learning that college ruins a girls wardrobe, and that marriage ruins any hope of returning to the jeans I wore in High School. Yoga pants, sorority t-shirts, and Nike shorts, don’t cut it in the real world. I am learning that school after marriage is frustrating and monotonous, and while it is necessary to finish, the motivation to finish is extremely lacking. I am learning that baby fever comes fast and envelopes your whole mind and CANNOT, I repeat, CANNOT be removed once it has festered in the mind. I am learning that owning a home, while it is a wonderful thing, is also a money drain because things are constantly needing to be done. And throughout all of this, I have noticed that I have been real quick to feel sorry for myself (or take it out on my husband) rather than going to the Father. I have sought to live stress free, without seeking His wisdom and understanding. I have prayed for different situations before asking for the Lord’s will to be done. And I have looked back, instead of pressing on towards what is ahead. Being twenty-two has been hard for me, but it should never have been used as an excuse to push the Lord out of my life. Will I look back on this year of my life and love every aspect about it? Heck no! However, I will be able to look back and see just how much God allowed for me to grow, in spite of my selfish attitude. Aside from all the funny/ridiculous lessons I have learned, I am in the process of learning to develop an attitude of gratefulness and constant seeking of the Lord’s will. Right now I am meant to be in this stage of life. He is in complete control! Despite my lazy wardrobe, project weekends, school frustrations, financial worries, and baby rabies filled life, God knows where I am. He understands my fears and worries. He wraps me in His comforting arms. He gives blessings along the way to remind me He is in control, and He continually uses each lesson to shape me into the woman I am supposed to be for Him. I have no idea what lies ahead, but I do know, without a doubt, who has planned my steps. If you are at a transitional point in life, I urge you to turn to the Father. Don’t waste time fretting about things you have no control over, like I did. Instead choose to seize each day, to wake up knowing that God will teach you something and reveal Himself to you, if you allow Him to. Our world is filled with too much stress and not enough gratefulness. From this day forward, I refuse to let stress de-rail me from pressing on towards what God has for me. I refuse to let my feelings of self-doubt and insecurity take over my confidence and joy in the Lord. Above all, I refuse to let twenty-two be a year in which I learned nothing. In a few weeks, I will turn twenty-three. I pray that when I transition from this year to the next that I will look forward for all the things ahead…After all there is a college graduation, the hope of a baby, financial stability (once I’m a graduate), deeper relationships in our community, more time with family, another wonderful year with the love of my life, coming up. Above all there is to look forward to, I pray twenty-three will be a year in which my relationship with the Lord only grows.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Memorial Day with my handsome Hubby! After our house had just gone through some MAJOR organizing!

Big project of the summer Operation new porch and roof.

Me at the JB Concert.