Dear Husband.

Dear Husband,

I see you.

I see you, as you walk in from a long days work, only to become a jungle gym for our busy toddler.

I see you, as you open up new worlds and textures to our girls’ little minds.

I see you, as you teach our girls to treat all living things with respect.

I see you, as you fill our daughter’s plate with food so I can enjoy a hot meal.

I see you, as you change diapers, clothe our babes, and feed them as I get ready for church.

I see you, as you sing over bubbles, make towel burritos, read Bible stories, and brush little teeth.

I see you, as you run out for donuts on Saturdays to give me just a few more minutes of sleep.

I see you, as you happily pour yourself a bowl of cereal for dinner, instead of insisting on a home-cooked meal.

I see you, as you soothe cries and heal boo-boos, knowing someday you will mend broken hearts.

I see you, as you fall asleep on the couch, waiting for me to finish my work, just because you can’t stand the thought of getting in bed without me.

I see you, as you listen to my guilt and fears, and place my burdens on your shoulders.

I see you, as you long for snuggles on the couch watching Friends, but instead give foot rubs while I pump, yet again.

I see you, as you extend grace when you don’t like the words being said.

I see you, as you place toothpaste on my toothbrush, just to say, “I love you.”

I see you, as you make silly faces and sing silly songs, for a quick smile.

I see you, as you come home to pjs and dirty hair, only to call me beautiful.

I see you, as you spend your days off fixing, re-wiring, and cleaning, making sure our home runs smoothly.

I see you, as you pray and lead our family closer to Christ.

I see you, as your hand reaches for mine in a crowd, telling the world I am yours.

Though my eyes may be diverted, watching, protecting, and nurturing these two precious souls, I will never stop seeing you.

I love you, forever.

SB // Bridals

I have been waiting to share these photos for months! Mainly because, this beautiful bride is my sister. In late April, she and my mom came to visit in order to fit her bridals in before her June wedding. On one particularly warm spring day, we traveled down to the Fort Worth Botanic Gardens with my 8 month pregnant self, my (then) 17 month old, the bride, and my beautiful mama in tow. Sabe was a trooper while I tried to capture the perfect shot, and she was quite the attraction for all the end-of-the-year school trips! 🙂 After a long morning at the gardens, we had a girls day out; however, that evening the light was too perfect to miss. When the sun began to set, I asked Sabe to get back in her dress and venture out to our backyard for some shots with her reception fascinator! What followed transported us all to a beautiful day in the English countryside with a stunning bride! I was so honored to take my sister’s engagement and bridal photos, and to be a part of such a special time in her life. Sabe, you were quite simply magnificent, thank you for being my favorite model and best friend. I love you so very much!

 

I don’t matter…and that’s ok.

If you’ve been around my family and me at all recently, you will have heard me say “I don’t matter anymore!”, with a smile across my face. That fact of the matter is, I have raised a daddy’s girl. Our daughter is completely obsessed with her daddy the minute he walks through the door. She says his name all day long. She waits for him. She kisses him, and if given a choice, she always chooses him over me. And I LOVE it.

Our culture constantly diminishes the role of a father. Men on TV are cast as idiots who know nothing about their family. Fathers are made to feel like they are incapable of raising their own children. And other dads simply choose to not even be apart of the picture.

I am thankful everyday that my husband doesn’t fall into any of these categories. Instead, I have been given a husband who bathes our daughter each night and brushes her teeth. He often makes her plate for dinner so I don’t have to. We take turns getting up and caring for her if she wakes up through the night (although since I am not as fun, my sleepy dust works better than his :)). And I never have to worry about my husband’s capability when it comes to taking care of our daughter, which in turn gives me a few minutes to wander through the cosmetics aisle while “grabbing a few things”. Sure, it feels good when my daughter kisses me or says my name, but when she runs into her daddy’s arms, I am overcome with gratitude.

Right now, I am the maid, the cook, the nurse, the planner, the accountant, the disciplinarian, and glorified secretary. When J comes home, he is the fun. He is what we’ve been waiting for all day. I love my role as a stay-at-home-mom. I love that I get to spend every moment caring for my family, because that is the job God has given me. But for J to come home to a daughter who is smiling, laughing, and squealing just because he walked through the door, makes him feel like a hero. He spends everyday working hard to provide for our family. He comes home with a tired brain and tired feet. And he often has other projects around the house that need to be done. The man deserves a celebration of his presence everyday, just as a way of letting him know how appreciated he is.

At the end of the day, I want our little girls to be daddy’s girls. J is my hero. His good morning kiss is the highlight of my day. And I long for quitting time at work more than he does. It is my job to model for our girls how amazing their daddy is. It is my job to encourage him as he continues to learn how to be a daddy. It is my job to thank him for all the ways he is the world’s best daddy. Because I do these things, most of the time…I’m by no means the perfect wife, our girls will view their daddy with the same admiration.

For all you mommies raising Daddy’s girls, don’t be jealous. You are needed and you are loved, not just by your children, but by your man too. Encourage him in all the ways he is getting it right, and see just how much your words will boost his confidence, not only as a husband and father, but as a man. While the rest of the world seeks to tear men down and make them feel small, build your man up. Let him stand tall, knowing his wife and children acknowledge and appreciate all the ways he puts his family before everything else.

 

 

 

SB + K // Engaged

A couple of weekends ago, I had the honor of shooting my sister and Kyler’s engagement photos. I had never been so nervous for a session, because I wanted each photo to be absolutely perfect. As the day went on, I quickly found out that these two beautiful people are incapable of taking a bad picture. The love these two share exudes from every frame. They make each other laugh, are affectionate, and are constantly challenging each other to be more like Christ. Kyler is so gentle with my sister. His words are kind, his touch is sweet, and he always leads SB with a sensitive and kind spirit. In return, my sister keeps a smile on his face, encourages him to be the best he can be, and seeks to serve him even now as she prepares to be his wife. I cannot wait to stand beside my sister in June as she makes a covenant with God and Kyler. It will be an honor to witness their vows that day, and an even greater honor to watch them say “I do” every day after.

My dear sister, you are the world’s most beautiful bride, and it is your heart that sets you apart even more than your outward beauty. I am so thankful for the amazing man God has given you in Kyler, and I am constantly amazed at the incredible family God has woven together in these last few years. I love you both so very much!

Dumb Phone.

A month ago, I came to terms with my smart-phone and social media addiction. The day after I posted my blog, J and I went all around town trying to find a place that would give us a dumb phone, and in almost every place our desire to go dumb was met with shocked faces, and a hefty price tag for the dumb phones. Thankfully, Amazon always comes through. We were able to buy AT&T ZTE GoPhones for about $15.00 a piece and added them to our Christmas list for each other. Once the phones came in, I called customer service and was able to switch SIM cards over easily.

At first, I missed my iPhone. I hated not being able to waste time playing catch up with everyone’s lives. I hated not having the perfectly captured moment on my camera roll. I hated the fact that my phone didn’t bing and buzz as often, making me feel less important.

Yet, I noticed a change in my focus. Instead of being distracted with the photos and statements of others, I have been able to sit down without distraction. I have been able to study and observe each way our daughter is growing, without a screen in my way. My house is kept cleaner, and I am not running as behind. I can interact in conversations that I would have missed otherwise. My husband isn’t asking me to get off my phone on a daily basis to focus on him. And in many ways, I have been much more productive than I have been in years.

As far as my mood is concerned, I am at peace. I am at peace with myself. I am at peace with my husband. I am at peace with the development of our daughter. I am at peace with our home. I am at peace with my things. I am simply at peace. I don’t know if that would have been possible without making a drastic change in my day to day life.

My day looks a little different now. Instead of waking up first thing to check my phone, I wake up to my daughter’s bright eyes saying “HI!” over and over again. Instead of checking out the latest gossip over a bowl of cereal, my daughter and I pray together, and even after we pray, I watch my daughter hold my hand for just a little bit longer as she fills her mouth with cheerios. I am no longer worried about crafting the perfect photo, because I am learning that no camera can capture the beauty of a moment the way God designed our eyes to. In the car, my phone is in my purse, and my mind is thinking on the conversation my husband and I are sharing. At the dinner table, I often don’t even know where I set my phone last. I don’t take pictures of my food. I don’t allow for my husband to talk to a head looking down, and I don’t allow for my focus to be anywhere but in the moment. In the evenings, we actively watch a show together, or we work on our newest project, or we simply talk. And before bed, I read and read until I’m too tired to read anymore.

As each day of this journey has passed, I have noticed some changes in the way my family reacts to me. My daughter has been much more affectionate than she has ever been. She comes to give me kisses and hugs in the middle of her playing, because I am right there. She is learning a new word each day, and we spend a lot of our day staring in each other’s eyes jibber-jabbering and laughing. There are less tears, moments of frustration, and more moments in which I thank God for allowing me to stay home with her each day. My daughter finally knows she has her mama’s attention, which is all she wanted in the first place. With J, we have shared more pillow talk and laughs in the last month than we have in the last few years combined. My mom made the comment that she believes we are at the best place we have ever been in our marriage, and I truly believe a big part of that is due to the lack of distractions and comparisons that no longer fill our home. We are happy, content, and more unified than we have ever been. Our communication is at it’s best, and for the first time in a long time, we aren’t having to fight a phone to get the attention we desire.

The Lord is continually showing me new areas of distraction and selfishness that I need to address. But He is also, encouraging me along the way with each positive reaction I gain from my family. Getting your life back on track is never easy, and I know it will be a daily choice, but I long to be present and available for those I love most. I long to be filled with beautiful moments and memories not found on a camera roll. Most of all, I long to honor God with every aspect of my life, even if it means dealing with and giving up some pretty major things in my life.

When I began this journey, I knew things would change, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle the changes or not. Looking back over this past month, I feel in many ways that I have gotten my life and my joy for this life back. I don’t know how things will change in the future, but I do think that living life a little dumber is here to stay, and I couldn’t be more excited!

If you’re looking to make a change like I did, but in a not so drastic way (at first), I highly recommend the book, Hands Free Mama, by Rachel Macy Stafford. You can check our her blog and books here: http://www.handsfreemama.com/hands-free-mama/.

If you would like to make a phone change, there are a lot of great options on Amazon! You might be surprised at how much you love going “dumb”.

*In case you wanted a few numbers, J and I paid $110.00 a month for cell phone service with our iPhones. In February, our contract will be up, and our bill will go down to $45.00 a month for cell phone service.

photo credit: Arianna Randle at http://arianarandlephotography.com/

Seasons Of Life.

About two weeks ago, I had the privilege of speaking for a few minutes at a ladies brunch held at my church. The theme for the brunch was Seasons of Life, and it included five women speaking about their current season of life, ranging from a Young Professional to a Golden Girl. What I loved most about the event, was that I was able to glean something from each woman who spoke, no matter the different seasons between us. Since I am in a transitional season (between newlywed and busy mom), I spoke for the newlywed season. God placed a few things on my heart, and after sharing, I had quite a few people ask me to blog what I wrote, so here we are.

Seasons of Life

Once Upon a Time, there was a strong, camo-covered, deer hunting, God-fearing young man. His mind was more concerned with mechanics and guns, than of girls and fairy-tales. His days were spent tracking his prey through the fields of West Texas, searching for the perfect shot. When he walked through the church he captured the attention of all the fair maidens, and yet, not once did he look. With his piercing blue eyes, infectious laughter, and dark chocolate hair, he was quite the trophy buck of the university group.

Just a few steps down the church hall was a fair-skinned, green eyed, got the world by a string, God-fearing girl. A girl who had been known to skip her boring college history class to try on prom dresses with friends… just because. On any given day, this girl would be known to drench herself in pink and glitter, and own the Lubbock wind. She enjoyed the company of her dearest girlfriends, her church family, and most importantly her own family more than anything. And she had big dreams of changing the world one day at a time through her show on Fox News Channel. Sure she had had a few suitors, but none could quite capture her heart.

Then one day, the man of her dreams took her by the hand and danced his way into her heart. These two kids were as different as night and day, yet on one Providential night, God brought them, differences and all, together to begin the beautiful journey He had laid out before them.

In a just a short period of 8 months, these kids would transition from friends, to smitten lovebirds, to fiancees, to husband and wife. At the time, they thought they had a handle on all that was to come. After all, they were 21, living on their own, starting his career, and taking on a new (to her) city. What they didn’t know is that mixed in with the sweetest days of their life, would be the hardest moments. Moments that would challenge their faith, challenge their perseverance, and challenge those vows they had taken. Yet, they determined, in spite of the good and bad, in spite of all their differences, their covenant between themselves and their Creator would not be broken.

I recently read an article that stated, “you guys are about to plant some seeds that will take root in your marriage and will be around for decades to come. Plant wisely.” 

My husband and I make no jokes about our first year of marriage being the hardest. And looking back, for most of that year, we planted seeds of division. Seeds from Satan that focused on our differences rather than what unified us. We quickly learned that God cannot reside in a home, in a marriage where seeds of division are sown. Once we learned from our many mistakes, and started working in unity against the weeds of resentment, anger, frustration, shame, and pride, the seeds of humility, gentleness, forgiveness, perseverance, peace, unity, and love began to take over and push out those evil weeds. With each new year, fewer and fewer weeds pop up, but the seeds we have sown need constant tending and nurturing.

When I first began writing this “conversation”, as I like to call it (because I don’t want the conversation to end here), I attempted to write out a list of what Jordan and I have done in an effort to plant better seeds within our marriage. But as I began to think about the women I am surrounded by, and the marriages that are represented around me, my little step-by-step list seemed so small. The fact of the matter is that at the right time, through every trial of our first few years, God has granted us His abundant Grace to not only survive in a world that mocks His most sacred union, but to also THRIVE!

Even though the list in my head seems small, I still wanted to this conversation to be something more than a testimony or devotion. I prayed God would give me the words to say to any wife, new or experienced, excited or in despair, words that she could take home, cling to, and find encouragement from. Any step-by-step list I could think up to describe how we have at times survived and at other times thrived cannot match the steps God has given us in Ephesians 4.

Ephesians 4: 2-3 NLT

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

1. Always be humble and gentle- When J and I first got married, I’m sad to say that He was much better at saying “I’m Sorry” than anything else. Often times, I would push the limits of his humility with the sting of my words, and yet almost every time, he would come back and apologize. As soon as he would utter the most humble words in the world, every wall of anger I had built up was destroyed. A fruitful marriage cannot be the product of two selfish ambitions. When we choose to react with humility and gentleness, God receives the glory in our marriage, and Satan’s weeds are once again plucked out of our home.
2. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love- I think every woman can attest that we, as well as our husbands, are by no means perfect. If you were to have a peek into our home, you would often see cabinets and doors left open across the house, boots in the middle of the floor, and tools always left on the kitchen counter I just cleaned. On any particular day, these little “Jordanisms” can dampen my once good mood, but when I take a moment to be patient, count to 10, and make yet another allowance for his faults, I am reminded that I have a tendency to wreck a room when trying to get ready, I also am late everywhere, and it drives him crazy when I’m on my phone in the car…yet again. We all come with quirks, but when we allow those quirks to detract from our marriage, then we have made an agreement with Satan that basically says “my frustration with him means more to me, than my resolve to patiently love him in spite of his quirks.” The phrase “because of your love” brings it all back home. I don’t choose patience or looking past his faults because I am a doormat, but rather because I love him with every part of my being. Everything comes into perspective when I think about the way God looks at me. Each day, I fail him, despite giving my life to him 17 years ago. Yet, each day, He looks past my faults because He loves me so very much. Not only is the thought of His love humbling, but it encourages me to do the same. If my perfect God can look at me with with such patient and loving eyes, then by all means, I can look at my husband with the same Grace extended towards me.
3. Lastly, “make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.”- I chose the New Living Translation version of this verse because of the verb tense. Make every effort to keep…binding yourselves together with peace. The use of the word binding implies an action that is ongoing, continual. This means that the efforts to keep yourselves united is a daily activity and choice. Realistically, the statistic of marriage and divorce is where it is today because Satan thrives in division. With each passing day where division is chosen over the choice to make every effort to be unified, a greater chasm is forged. As shown through the little story I began with, Jordan and I are as different as they come. We think differently, we operate on opposite ends of the spectrum, and our priorities on a daily basis often don’t quite match up (hello…hunting season), but those differences have no bearing on the state of our marriage. Sure they make up who we are as individuals, but they cast no weight on who we are as a unit when we make the effort to bind ourselves in peace.

For every lady who reads this, whether you’ve been married for two or fifty-two years, I urge you to memorize this verse. Let God’s Word guide you through every mountain and valley through your marriage. For the newlyweds, you are surrounded by women who have defied the odds of our era in their marriages. Find a woman you trust, and let her mentor you as you begin your life as a wife. Let her stories challenge you and encourage you. For each woman, kneel before your Savior and pray. I cannot be the wife, mother, sister, daughter, or friend I am called to be if I do not kneel before Jesus. Pray for your marriages, whether your marriage is in spring or winter. Pray for your husbands, daily, asking God to protect him from the evil of this world. Above all, center your heart, your dreams and aspirations, your mind, and your marriage, center your entire being on Jesus Christ, only through Him will you be bound in peace.

Now back to the story- fast forward a few years and here we are, those two lovebirds now are a mama and daddy. Kneeling side by side before their Savior, they have created a life together that cannot be touched by even the sweetest of fairy-tales. Together they have slayed some monstrous dragons, and won. Together, they have smiled and danced through the most beautiful moments in life, capturing the sweetest memories along the way. Together, they have chosen to serve. Together, they have chosen peace over selfish gain. Together, they have chosen to put their Happily Ever After at the feet of Jesus, knowing His plan is perfect.

I realize that was a lot to read, and I thank you for taking the time to read it. If you read this and feel the need to talk, please contact me. I’d love to encourage you, pray for you, and listen to you whenever you need it! May you all know just how loved you are!

The Little Things.

For the ten people (maybe) who actually read this little blog of mine, you’re probably wondering why I have included a picture of my toothbrush, and I promise I will get to that in a second. But first, I have a confession to make- sometimes, I am a really really bad wife.

Yesterday, was one of those days. I had to take care of a teething baby, go to the grocery store, make dinner, clean up the house after being gone for a week, find my runaway dog, and edit pictures. By the evening, I was exhausted, and to make matters worse, our sweet baby girl decided to party on until 2.

In the midst of my frustration, I barked at J for not putting the pillows back on the couch before he got up to go to bed. Instead of letting something so stupid go, I decided to push my frustration and negativity onto him. And you know what? Instead of barking back at me, he patiently went back and put the pillows back on the couch. Instead of rushing off to bed mad at me, he came and kissed my forehead and asked me to come to bed soon.

Later on, after finally getting our sweet one to sleep, I went into our bathroom to get ready for bed and saw my toothbrush. Upon seeing it, my eyes filled up with tears. My last words to him before he went to bed were filled with frustration and a little bit of crazy, and yet, his last act before climbing into bed and closing his eyes, was an act of service for me. As those tears began to well up in my eyes I began to look past all the negativity and focus on the beautiful man, who has the biggest heart, asleep just a few steps away.

Marriage is hard work. It is filled with frustration and inexplicable joy. It is the joining of the best and worst days for the rest of your life, and all too often, I focus on the negatives about my husband. But at the end of the day, he is still the man I fell in love with four years ago.

He is the same man who used the money he had saved up for a deer lease to buy my engagement ring. He is the same man who has never gotten mad when dinner isn’t ready on time. He is the same man who comes home from a long day at work, and doesn’t hesitate to feed and change our daughter. He is the same man who uses his days off to build my family a pergola for the backyard. He is the same man who eats Mexican food multiple times a week just because I like it. He is the same man who binge watches Friends without complaint. He is the same man who cleans the dishes because he knows I don’t like to. He is the same man who prays over our daughter every night. The same man who lets her sleep in our bed, despite what he said before she came. He is the same man who kisses me and tells me I’m beautiful. He is the same man who at the end of each day takes just a few seconds to put toothpaste on my toothbrush just to say “I love you.”

This precious man of mine is far more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. He is godly. He is kind. He is strong. He is loving. He is everything I ever wanted and prayed for. At the end of the day, it’s all the little things that make our life so sweet. Oh, how blessed I am to be his wife.

Baby Girl.

As most of you know, Jordan and I are welcoming a baby girl into this world in November. I have sat down many times to write about pregnancy, my visions of motherhood, and everything concerning baby for weeks now, but have never been fully able to express the right thoughts.

Jordan and I desperately wanted a baby- 36 weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about my desire to be a mom, the fears I had about never getting to be one, and learning how to fully trust God’s plan. It is by no coincidence, that I am 36 weeks pregnant now. I had to give all of my fears and desires to the Lord before He would make me a mommy. Getting pregnant had to happen in His timing, not my own!

These past 36 weeks have been nothing short of pure bliss. I was blessed with an easy first trimester, 3 bouts of morning sickness was about it! For the second trimester, I was in a nesting mood! With the help of my precious mama, my house has been organized and the nursery has been painted. Jordan and I ordered our nursery furniture as soon as we found out we were having a girl, and have put it all together! I could not be more pleased with how everything has turned out. And with the third trimester, I have loved watching my belly grow and feeling her kicks and hiccups!

Starting in August, the nursery was brought to life with the gifts from all of our showers. My former place of work threw me a surprise going away party/ baby shower. Each person from our bank took the time to add their own special detail to the shower. I had never felt more loved by a place of work in my whole life.

August also brought the gift of my best friend and maternity photographer, Ariana, into town. Air literally came from San Diego just to take my maternity pictures! We had never really spent time as just us (because we have 8 other best friends!) before, and I must say, after spending a week with her, I have come to not only love her more as my friend, but also as a woman seeking the Lord! Air, you will never know just how much your visit meant to me!

September started with the trip of a lifetime to The Happiest Place on Earth! This was Jordan’s first time to Disney World, and it couldn’t have been more perfect. We spent the week with my parents, visited every park multiple times, and ended up falling even more in love. Perhaps my favorite part of the trip was being able to pick out our daughter’s first Christmas gift! It is so much fun being a parent. After our trip to Disney, Jordan and I came home and then left again to spend a week in Lubbock. We celebrated my 24th birthday and were showered with so much love from Southcrest! I was actually born while my dad worked at Southcrest many years ago, and to be showered with love from the same people who showered my mama with love 24 years ago was such a blessing. I will forever cherish the memories made during my week in Lubbock!

October has been such a wonderful month so far! Our home church here in Burleson began the month by showering us with gifts to where the nursery has been finished! Now we just lack a beautiful baby girl, and her photos in frames! Each person who has hosted a shower, or given a gift to our sweet girl has blessed us more than they will ever know. I feel so honored to bring a baby into a community of people who already love her so much!

This past weekend, Jordan and I finally had a weekend open to do whatever we wanted! I really just needed some time with my precious husband! We spent a day in Dallas enjoying the beautiful fall foliage at the Arboretum, made our baby’s mobile, slept in, and spent some time with church friends. We have finished our birth class, and are busy finishing the last few things around the house in preparation for our sweet girl. These past few years as just us have been a dream. Together we have moved, traveled, bought a home, started a mini-farm, fought, laughed, and grown to love each other even more. As we prepare to bring our sweet girl into this world, I pray we will be parents of prayer, parents who seek God’s face before all else, and parents who create a home of peace and harmony. This pregnancy has been one of the highlights of my life. I have enjoyed every second, every kick, and even the little aches that come from our growing baby. As this time in my life comes to an end, I cannot help but give all praise to the Giver of Life! Thank you Lord for this precious gift! 4 weeks until we meet our beautiful baby girl!

A Season of Waiting

Writing is a true therapy for me. I am not always gushing to write something, but when I am inspired I must take the time to sit down and pen what is in my heart. Often times I succeed at writing when I feel led, but learning to write as a discipline has been something I have been working on. When 2014 started I had the goal of writing one post a week. I love reading weekly blog posts and I love to write so I figured I should give it a try. Yet, here we are six weeks into the new year and I have already failed at one of my resolutions. This week will change that. My goal for the weekly blog posts is to virtually bring you into my living room as my friend. I want you to feel as though we are sitting there drinking a glass of sweet tea as a pie bakes in the oven, sharing our joys and sorrows.

This past October, I visited my mom’s hometown, with my mom, sister, aunt, and granny. While in Henderson we visited one of my Granny’s friends, Lillian. As I walked into her home I was greeted with the smell of a fresh-baked pumpkin pie, along with a sweet southern embrace. While sharing our pie we talked about our various lives, where we had gone and what we had done. Of the seven women present, five of them had experienced tremendous loss in some way. Some had lost children, others their husbands, and yet they continued to be women of unconditional joy and faith. As I sat there observing their moments of tears and laughter, I couldn’t help but to wish for the same.

Our culture is so caught up in running to the next thing, having the perfect life, and filling our time with more stuff that we forget to stop, share a piece of pie and catch up on life. We’d rather text than talk on the phone. We’d rather look at instagram than experience life with others. We’d rather catch up on the latest news on Facebook than invite people into our home. We have no problem sharing the happy things on social media, but we will not dare look vulnerable or share our sorrows with others. I don’t want to be like that any longer. I want to be open with others, letting them see the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want others to feel at home in my presence, not like they must have it all together. At the end of it all I want to be a portrait of God’s grace, sharing with others that when I have fallen, my Savior has picked me up. Therefore, even if life becomes routine, I will seek to use this blog as a means of worshipping God in the midst of monotony. In times of joy I will share His wonderful blessings, and in times of sorrow, I will share of His life-altering lessons and the peace only He can give.

After our cruise last June, Jordan and I felt called to begin trying to start a family. So far, eight months later, it still hasn’t happened. I know for some eight months seems like nothing compared to eight years, but I have begun to have an understanding of the monthly heartbreak that comes after a negative test comes back. I want nothing more than to be a mother. I breathe, eat, sleep all things motherhood right now. It is all I think about! I have given up cokes and sugar (for the most part), brought yoga into my daily routine, and disciplined myself to wake up with Jordan so I can get things done around the house before he gets home. Jordan and I have specifically gotten our finances in order so that we may be ready when a baby does come. I daydream of how I will tell Jordan, our families, and the world when the time comes, and I pin all things baby when I have a few minutes to spare. Yet despite all of my  “preparation”, God has not answered my prayer.

After getting a few negative tests, I began to get jealous of all the happy moms and pregnant ladies around me. I began to rush God’s timing for my own desires. I would only pray really hard when the time would come for a test, and when it came back negative I would cry out of disappointment. Up until January this was a cyclical series of emotions. While at church one day I felt so convicted for my attitude. I felt ashamed for not trusting God’s timing and for attempting to rush His perfect plan. I was so convicted I walked up to the altar of the church, and just as Hannah poured her heart before the Lord (1 Samuel 1:10-16), I surrendered my desire for motherhood to Him.

This act of surrendering my greatest desire to the Lord has by no means been easy. My sinful nature pushes me to rush this time. I want to blow past all of this waiting instead of savoring each moment as a gift. Despite my impatience, God has me in this season of waiting for a reason. I must completely and fully trust Him. 1 Samuel 1:20, according to the ESV version, says that Hannah conceived a child in due time. The Bible does not tell us when exactly this happened, but it did happen in God’s timing. When God was finished preparing Hannah for the miracle of a child He answered her prayer. I believe the same will happen for me. I often feel as though I am ready now, but ultimately God says I am not. I need to trust Him and His timing more, and I need to desire Him more than I desire a child. Above all, I do not want to waste this time any longer.

So, for this season of waiting, I will love Jesus more. I will cherish the time I have with Jordan as just the two of us. I will work hard to be healthy and fit for when a blessing comes my way. I will snuggle with my pups while they are still my fur-babies. I will spend Saturdays photographing life on our little farm. I will be motivated to persevere through my job and school. I will dream up new ways to improve our home. I will plant gardens, travel, sing, read, and write. I will spend this time of in-between, experiencing the very best of life. When I feel as though I am beginning to slip, I will remember God’s Word- “But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

I know this has been a lot to read and take in, and I thank you for taking the time to read a part of my life. If you are in the same boat as me, know that you are not alone at any point of this process. I hope that you were encouraged in some way and I hope that we all will truly learn the depth of Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6

Here are a few pictures from our little farm:

A beautiful cardinal in one of our front trees.

Our lab, Breck, patiently waiting for Jordan’s command to come.

Jordan and the dogs playing in the background.

My favorite flowers, and favorite weekly pick-me-up from my thoughtful husband.

Little birds at our feeder.

My bird watching partner, Brisket.

Female cardinal at the feeder.

23 and Married- A Christian’s Response

Lately I have seen quite a few ladies share a post on my Facebook feed titled “23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23”, and I must admit the article offended me quite a bit, as well as made me shake my head towards the stupidity of the suggestions. What bothered me most was the fact the ladies who claim to follow Christ were posting it with words plastered above it such as, “truth”, “a must read”, “every single lady must read this!” As I dove into the article I noticed that her entire premise was off base. Yes, the divorce rate among those who marry young is pathetic. Yes, divorce has become a mere “hit it and quit it” excuse for a big day all about the bride. What she fails to understand is that for those of us who have gotten married young (21 for me!), and who claim to follow Christ, divorce has never been apart of our vocabulary. Divorce simply has never been an option, nor will it ever be, and this should be the mentality of ALL believers.

The writer goes on to say that we are not our parents generation nor our grandparents for that matter. But I must ask, they all got married young, pursued careers, defied societal expectations, valued family, and maintained a sense of morality in American culture. Of those things just mentioned, what is so bad? Perhaps if we sought to be more like them our world would be a much better place. I, for one, love the idea of being a young mom, I love the idea of experiencing as much of life as possible with the love of my life, and I love everything about being married. I am not confined to this picket fence, settled down lifestyle; instead I have the freedom to grow alongside the one I love, to build a legacy with him, and see the world through a lovers eyes. What a blessing it is to be married! It is not a ball and chain, and it’s not the imprisonment of everything I ever hoped to be! Sure we don’t have the money to fly all over the world because we own a home, maintain a steady job, and all those other things, but it has by no means kept us from experiencing the best parts of life.

As I read through her list I realized that her suggestions were merely the ramblings of an 18 year old stuck in a 23 year olds body. In essence she wants nothing to do with responsibility. She wants to travel, explore new religions, make out with random people, and focus merely on herself. As a Christian, life can never be so selfish. As a woman after God’s own heart, we are to have a passion for Him and for his people. We are called to serve strangers, not make out with them. We are called to go in order to proclaim Christ’s name, not for our own selfish gain. We are called to view our bodies as a temple, not to fill it with junk and pose naked for the world to see. We are called to honor our parents, not to disappoint them. We are called to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, not to fill our minds with false teaching. We are called to be different, not trendy, hipster, prepster or anything -ster. If more Christians chose to be different from the rest of the world, perhaps the divorce rates would be different. Perhaps, we, as believers, would be taken more seriously.

Ladies who call yourselves Christians, do not be fooled by the ramblings of a non-believer. Ultimately, she is lonely and tired of being single as well. If she weren’t she wouldn’t have written such condescending words towards those who are married so young. Sure, in a few years I hope to have a family. I won’t be as thin as I used to be, and I hope to be pregnant. But I will be living in accordance with God’s will for my life. I will have a husband that is only devoted to me, and children whom I will be blessed to nurture and teach. As she states in her article, you are responsible for your own happiness, but what she fails to state is that, as a believer, you are also responsible for following God’s Word and allowing Him to direct your life, not the whims of the world.

All in all, BE DIFFERENT! Go and do what God has called you to do with wild abandonment. Place your trust in HIS plan for your life. Let Him bring that amazing man into your life and show you all He has for you. If He doesn’t have Mr. Right come your way anytime soon, then just pursue intimacy with your Savior, that’s all he wants. As someone who did get married at 21, take it from me, you will never miss out on the beauty of life. Only the best lies ahead!